A SLAVE IN MY OWN HOME
“I feel like they literally trained us to be dogs, women never had a say in my family.” Those were the exact words of twenty-six year old Lucy, as she uncontrollably wept through her words.
Lucy, sat nervously in the middle of one of Brisbane’s heavily crowded and busy shopping center food court in Westfield Garden city, while she patiently waiting to relive her life story.
She was a beautiful woman, tall and dark in complexion. Her long wavy, printed summer dress hugged her perfectly shaped, curvy figure.
One of Lucy’s closest friends Daniela speaks highly of Lucky as an inspirational figure. “Lucy in my eyes reflects the stereotypical elegant, strong, independent black woman who is capable of concurring her own world,” She said.
Her hair was perfectly trimmed into afro-curly bob, with a fringe cascading across her narrow forehead. The South Sudanese QUT Pharmaceutical student and Mater hospital Nutritionist Assistant sat gracefully with her long model-like legs crossed in an elegant manner, awaiting the questions as though she had been preparing the answers for days.
“I had to put my degree on hold to support my mum and brother who both live in Uganda. Nevertheless I do enjoy my job very much. I socialise a lot and it’s fulfilling when I know I’m the reason behind the smiles of my patients. Plus it takes my mind of all the pain and hurt my brothers caused me,” she said.
With both her parents living back in Africa, her mother in Uganda and her father in South Sudan, the hard working young woman works to support herself six days a week. Her goal is to raise enough money to bring her mother and brother to Australia. Which will further enable her to finally focus on her education and personal life.
You could almost read her lively yet unimaginable sad story from her physical and facial expressions. Her eyes gave out the feeling of isolation within her own family.
“Nowadays I have no spare time, it’s hard to catch up with friends from university and this really hurts me because they are practically the only people I consider family in Australia now,” She said.
Lucky hesitantly but willingly continued to speak of her ordeal of the trauma and how and why she moved out of home.
“I moved out of home where I lived with my two abusive brothers at the age of twenty and I’ve been living and fending for myself for the past five years,” she said.
“Since I ran out of home I haven’t had any relationship with my family, I’ve never looked back,” She muttered proudly.
When asked why she decided to take the brave step of leaving, she quickly stared in the distance with a cold stern glance on her face as though she had seen a ghost. Her eyes slightly watering and fighting back tears, unsure of how to approach the question.
“I never looked back because they physically and emotionally abused me for the last five years. They beat me at any chance they could. I’ve done everything I can to be a sister and a family to them but it was obviously never good enough,” She mumbled as tears stream down her broad humble face.
To Lucy’s knowledge and understanding, physical and emotional abuse is socially acceptable in a Sudanese household. Men are the most dominate and in their eyes when a girl is born they are expected to be raised and prepared for marriage and marriage only. Commonly most girls are married of at the young age of fifteen.
“My mother had a terrible marriage with my dad. She was married off at the age of sixteen and my dad was very abusive towards her, and because of this she lost three of her unborn children to the hands of my father’s physical abusive behaviour.” she said swiftly wiping away her tears.
In Lucy’s opinion she believed that it was some form of trend of physical abuse which had been passed down the family tree to her brothers. As they too had taken the traits of their father and had used Lucky as form of punching bag even if it’s to the point of her near death.
Lucy’s traumatic childhood was all based on the fact that her brothers wanted her to marry a man in Melbourne with whom she had never meet or encountered.
“After refusing to marry the guy, my brothers were adamant to beat me to point of me agreeing to their proposal and leave a man with whom I was already currently dating at the time and they would continue the abuse even if it caused me so much grief or perhaps even death,” she said.
As the trauma and physical abused continues Lucy decided that enough was enough, she had endured a life time of pain which she desperately needed to escape from.
“They beat me to the point that I passed out and the next day, in the morning I woke up and left. I knew it was either I ran for my life or wait for death and I chose to leave, I chose my life over family. Many people said I shouldn’t have left but what was I supposed to do Aminah?
“I was trapped in a world where I knew only abuse, I knew no love, no comfort, nothing. I envied my friends when they spoke of their families. I longed for such affections as the ones they were getting from their families. Was it my fault for leaving honestly Aminah, was it?” she sobbed uncontrollably.
As an interviewer and writer I knew nothing about consoling a weeping subject but as a friend I dropped all my writing gear and recorder, quickly wrapped my arms around her tight. Hoping that my warmth in this busy, grounded shopping centre would be enough.
I whispered softly and repetitively, ‘no Lucy, it not your fault. It wasn’t your fault then and it will never be your fault. You did what you knew best for you and you did the right thing’.
She quickly grew comfort from my words, I reassured her she didn’t have to keep going with the interview but she insisted on finishing.
Lucy’s brother saw their sister as an embarrassment and disgrace to the family and they believe it was their jobs instill fear in her.
As she spoke about this fragment of her life she seemed in control of her emotions now. It was as though she had told this same story on numerous accounts. The tears had eventually stopped now and she was able to compose herself better.
Unfortunately Lucy’s traumatic ordeal did not end there. After her departure from her brother’s they still insisted on the abuse.
“They would call me and curse me out at any chance they got, all because of the so-called shame that I had apparently brought upon my family,” she said.
“It got so bad that they would even go to the extent that if i was to attend a community gathering they would approach me there with the intention of physically abusing me, caring little about who was watching.” She said.
From then on Lucy insisted that couldn’t handle any more of the distress. She immediately blocked all their numbers and decided to keep a low key within her community.
Then again even that was not enough. Her brothers decided to cause her more pain by fabricating a story to their father, telling their father negative and untrue things about Lucy that would eventually turn him, their father against her.
Unfortunately her father believed the brother’s stories and was so disappointed in her that he shunned away and bluntly refused to speak to her.
To add fuel to the fire, before leaving Lucy’s life he ensured that she would never forget how disappointed he was in his daughter by stating the most hurtful and disheartening thing.
“The most hateful thing that I ever heard from my dad was about a situation that occurred when I was 2 years old. That time we were running away from Sudan. My dad had to choose between my grandmother and me to take along with him and he wanted to take grandmother but my grandmother refused to go and told dad to take me instead. So dad took me,”
“I’ve always just been grateful because I feel like I’m living somebody else’s life because if dad had taken his grandmother I wouldn’t be here today, but the last time I spoke to dad he told me plain and blank that he regrets leaving his mother behind and if he knew then that I would turn out the way I have, he wouldn’t have taken me and that statement that really hurt me.”
As she recounts the situation her eyes are once again filled with tears, but this time they were flowing. Her tear drop alone would amount to a waterfall. She was distorted and uneasy to finish her sentences.
“I felt trapped and alone, I was a slave in my own family. I couldn’t speak up for myself and if I did I ended up getting beaten up,” She whispered softly.
She was glad to move away quickly from the topic with a bit of motivation and inspirational girl talk.
“I was never given the chance to make friends whilst I was living there because they thought they would be a bad influence on me. So all I ever did was go to school, come home, cook and clean. That was my life. Nevertheless I am so grateful for the ones I have now,” She said with a bit more enthusiasm and smile.
Health Promotion Worker, Kirsten Campbell from Women’s Health West speaks of a new program called Our Community, Our Rights (OCOR) which comprises of human rights based advocacy workshops, and project development support with South Sudanese women in the western world.
“It is very hard for us to talk about these issues with these women…but I feel that a fire has been lit and these women have been very brave to talk about such things.” She said
She emphasises the importance of the workshops and how it aims to change the women’s perceptions and abilities.
“It (this workshop) will change people’s lives and make them feel more powerful to make change and fight for their rights” she said.
Lucy’’s friend Daniela was shocked to hear of some of the incidents Lucy had confidently disclosed with her.
“Though Lucy’s past has left a stinging scare on her, she refused to let allow that negative to erode her life. Her energetic self- esteem and bubbly spirit was always felt by whomever she encountered including me,” she said.
One of Lucy’s other close friend Sarina Peters, who has been friends with Lucy for the past four years, was fortunate to enough know of Lucy’s past ordeal and spoke about how torn she was when she got to hear about her story.
“To me Lucy is a very happy, strong and independent woman. She has good heart, a generous woman that always likes to give. So I never in my right mind expected someone with a heart of gold to have gone through what she did,” She said.
Out respect for her friend, Sarina did not want to disclose anymore personal information about Lucy’s life and simply stated how much Lucy has had an impact on her own personal life as she is also shunned by her own family and the two could relate with each other.
“She’s like my mum, without my actual mum’s flaws. She has a motherly character; I could never picture her hurting a fly. She’s not only my best friend, she my sister,” said proudly.
Lucy is currently living happily with her now fiancee, with whom she is set to marry sometime as soon as her mother and brother arrive in Australia.
